Awww isn't she cute folks?? With her nice blond hair and bright shiny eyes. Even the little dimples in her cheeks. But, behind that sunny exterior she shows to the world, lies a deep, dark secret. A shocking truth I'm about to reveal to you today. My wife.... is a Gremlin. Yes it's sad but true.
How many of you remember this cute little guy?
Gizmo, the star of a couple movies from the 80's titled Gremlins. He's a nice fuzzy ball of cuteness you just want to squeeze huh. But notice the shadow behind him. Is there something Gizmo isn't telling us? Some secret? Stroll with me a little further down memory lane. In the first movie the man who sells Gizmo issues a few warnings, don't get him wet, no bright light and never feed him after midnight.
So how, you might ask, does this relate to my whittle snugly ball of cuteness named Mana? Well that my friends is a good question. The answer, just like all our current presidential candidates, is hard to believe. However; it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (at least according to me and since it's my blog what are you going to do about it).
You see, Mana and Gizmo are very similar. They're both cute, cuddly and small. They both came about in the 80's, and they both have some eating issues. You see if you feed a Gremlin after midnight bad things happen. If you don't feed Mana regularly... well let's just say Chernobyl, the Hindenburg and WWII are considered, by many scholars, minor incidents in comparison. The book of Revelations and the word Armageddon come to mind. The reality is this, if you feed Gizmo after midnight or fail to feed Mana... this is what you get.
Now, this is obviously a molded replica and I want to no way misrepresent the situation. This "toy" if you will, was molded after a picture of Mana eating a gingerbread man when ravenous. Now due to international laws, and just plain old decency, we had to significantly reduce the scare factor. So, I apologize to any of you who have actually seen the ravenous Mana and know this an obvious watered down reproduction.
The sad truth is Mana, when hungry, could tear you limb from limb. I've seen her tear through a whole bag of Hershey's kisses like a hot knife through butter. All that's left are some hollow, shredded wrappers and splatters of chocolate. Poor little fellas never had a chance. You'll usually find her huddled in a corner with the last one like a cat with it's mouse. Toying with it, soaking up its pain to feed that vast empty pit of hell, known as her stomach. Then slowly the heavy ragged breathing subsides the arched back straightens and my Mana is back once again.
There is it... the truth, the ugly bitter truth. I somehow feel liberated by sharing my burden, my shame with all of you. Until next time, you know where to find me. Under the bus, huddled alone and scared, with only a bowl of sacrificial kisses left nearby to protect me.....
As a side note folks, this is all in good fun. I do love my wife and most of the time she's great, but once in a while if you don't take care of the Mana, by feeding her regularly, she'll take care of you Jimmy Hoffa style. Wuv you mana...
3 comments:
Never stand between a woman and her food. Things could get ugly. But that ain't nothing compared to the ogre you'll meet if you try and wake Noah up. Yikes!
LOL noah you are hilarious....I was laughing so hard I started crying!! LOL Loveyou noah
True...so true.
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